A vision – by jesu mikael

Woke up, opened eyes, no stretch, no yawn. First thought – to use, second thought – to use, third thought- or not to use. No noise isn’t good noise. Silent feline presence is not good feline presence. She still manages to smile, to grin, to contain her beauty with lips sealed shut. Mouths sealed shut, brains dismounted, ears sealed shut, nose sealed shut. Eyes wide open, I can see how bad it smells. My eyes can hear how piercing it sounds. Two eyes taste humid city slicker vapors. No worse than thick, heavy redneck county air. Bless one, bless not the other. Foam coagulates the toilet bowl. Piss steam rises and hits each nostril, left one – bam, right one – smack. Not before passing right through distinct moustache hairs, ginger hairs at that. A map, illustrated lies subtly beneath the surface, shown through the computer screen where it once be illuminated. my two eyes crossing, blurry vision. No need for any vision. Nothing to see. Lids of my eyes hardly open, playing a sequence, rolling a drawing, captured somewhere between the grid of a world drawn in front of you with never ending straight lines, and the inner workings of a mind left to wander. Idle hands, dull face, grey face, looking sickly face. Watched while I lay asleep and she adores. All gone on with eyes shut, mouth propped open and snores between breaths of first floor apartment air.

Directly out of an electric rotating fan, mere inches from my face. Drying out my mouth, as gunk builds and builds. Drying out her eyes, thirsty eyes. Thirsty for liquid, for solution, plain ole thirsty. Ill actually take a water type thirsty. Robin thicke type air with blurred lines style vision. Unprecedented thirst for vision. Lucky enough to be able to cultivate a vision. Where life can be anything you choose. Life can be the vision you have inside your head. Vision requires control. Self control, controlled environment, routine, maintenance, responsibility. I have a vision. Fortunate enough to have a vision. A vision with no attitude, a dream that doesn’t fight back. Lucky enough to not have to fight back, physically. Fighting back mentally – another story. Fought enough battles mentally to destroy a physical army of 300. A battalion of men. 300 Men. 300 humans with male parts. With a chunk of females thrown in to counter-act any perceived sexism. Because females have vision too. There was never a line drawn between male and female. Only in your mind, only in your vision.

 

.jd

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