show & tell, a short thought. by joshua dow
Often times i make the attempt to involve you within my intellect. A large part of me has a desire for thought connectivity. I want to just open the valves and let everything out, let my thoughts run away with words. Discovering some new band, seeing some cool art, for some weird fucked up reason i think the other person might have an interest, and in return i only feel the disconnect that follows rejection. my biggest fear, rejection. something i never allow myself to deal with, rejection. i stumble around on a plane of endless, timeless, worthless information that my bones ache to share with someone. uncovering layers upon layers of topics that pique my own interest, unselfishly wanting to share every broad stroke with the broad that sits beside me. Though the attention span gets so bad sometimes that the focus is completely lost within minutes, or has just completely moved on to the next. just breathe, i think to myself. there’s always next time, i tell myself, wanting to make it all about this time. Considering myself an open mind, a kind soul, a loyal heart. Being told I am rude, mean, asshole’ish. In one ear and out the other, lucky to make it through the first ear. Face stuck in the fucking cell phone – I demand attention, because i’m a fucking genius, goddamnit. Pay attention to my ideas, my thoughts, my expressions. You might never witness something so genuine, so pure every again. Though i digress… My insides prune, my face wrinkles and my teeth slowly rot. Never could i share my feelings fast enough, for who knows when i’ll go. Never could i share my feelings period, really.