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someone give me a pen, free thought. 10.3.16

someone give me a pen, free thought by yosh dow

Something to write on, to write with. A pen; a pencil; a typer; a computer. Why not.

Throwing my necklace, necklaces over my head from off my neck first. Nope. Start over. Theo has that without even having that.

Jingle jingle.

The keys, tucked in, not tucked. Remove them. Press the clip and back on again.

The sound. Manically played. Heard. Focused. Piercing. Dull. Intensified. Over bearing. Deceiving. Evil.

The keys, clipped on. Fifth time, sixth time. Over and over, adjust the seat. Hold it between the legs. Maneuver with no hands weaving the little weight I can throw nowadays. Wheelie, nope. Young ones always askin’ for a wheelie. Try it some time, Nah.

Such cool though. When they try sometimes, on my bike, on their bike. Some style, dash of class. Like sunglass, shades wearin’ style, and class. They better be nice to the kitties and not arseholes. What would you do though? Not a thing here. Too afraid of my own shadow. Had (still have?)_ an/this urge to write, faster than my hand can go. Ahead of myself sometimes

All the time and e very time, that’s no exaggeration. Writing out in long hand is JUST the amount of slow that impedes any flow. Even chicken scratch skeeted out serial killer handwriting fast, upset with your penmanship 4 cups of coffee type long hand writing. The Writers, the typewriters have weight, even the keyboards of yore bore some excess, just like an author. Not authors like human’s, aliens, shells, shadows, salt bags, douche bags, bag of bones. I don’t know about authors, I don’t know about writers. Hell you know I don’t know about typewriters. Computers, PC’s (mac wasn’t in my world until age 16), key boards. GATEWAYS. AoL cd’s in your mailbox, AIM, beers under the desk, girls under the desk. All type of pre teen/teen computer geek wannabee html 4 knowin, Computer wizard NOT, person.

.jd

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NOVOCAIN, free thought. 11.20.16

word for thought by jesu mikael

Free at last, one day. Maybe in time, with the work put in and the effortless flow of positivity. That everlasting vibe to overcome all the negativity in this world that sucks you in, drags you down, chews you up and vomits you out. Politics, heroin, women, alcohol, money, all of it. None of it differs from one another. Only it’s road to capture. The endless game of capture the flag. The endless fight for king of the hill. Like climbing a mountain. Fuck that I say, bring me back down, fill up the bowl and put on some music. Some chase drugs, some chase riffs. Some don’t have control. Having no say in your dream. Unable to say no. The inability to choose. Temptation, what a son of a bitch. No disrespect to either one of the ones that brought you up either, it’s not their fault. The pressure to do the right thing in opposition to do the thing that relieves your pressure. Find a passion. Any passion. Choose something else, don’t choose that fleeting bullshit that puts all kinds of static in between your two blue, green, brown – bloodshot eyes. That little bit of numb feeling Novocain gives you in your lips when your pull the plunger. Something has to last a little bit longer than that. Life is much longer than that. Your minutes turn to hours and boy those fucking hours last for years. The times you decided to throw the towel in and say to hell with it won’t ever carve themselves inside your brain to form a memory. Those memories you have that have hurt so bad it feels like they’re carving themselves inside your heart will be the ones that stand out. You might never be free, but you can feel free. What makes you feel free? Your country? Your passion? Your art? Raises so many questions. Save yourself while you can and find love. Find a love in someone else and share it. Make love with 3 or 4 other people, on a stage, on a bed, on a roof, in a basement. Something with soul. Headbang until your neck falls off.

 

.jd

fortune teller, free thought. 11.20.16

Fortune Teller – free thoughts by yosh dow

 

Can you see into the future? Having just turned thirty I feel like I used to be able to see into the future better than I can now. Maybe I just picture what I wanted my future to be like, or what I thought it was going to be like. Images of being on a stage under hot ass lights in front of ridiculous people like myself flashed over and over like a movie reel rolling around in front of a black screen like some shitty flash animation. Rocking out on my bed with this smacked out Kurt Cobain sitting on my bed hating his life because well, he’s sitting on teenage mutant ninja turtles bed sheets of an eleven year old. Getting older being caught up in the moment, losing yourself in the moment, the anxiety is high. Having memories of all that makes it worth it though. Not worth it to brag , not worth it to feel worth a damn, but worth it for the sheer exercise of dealing with anxiety. Getting all up in your face, all up in my face. Thinking about now what I want for my future.

  • I want love for my future.
  • I want music for my future.
  • I want friends for my future.
  • I want health for my future.
  • I want the future in my future (flying cars).

Going thoughtless the past ten years, what a ride it has been. Probably like being in a flying car, not having any control just at the helm of a pseudo steering wheel, not even steering. Like some fucked up pre-existing condition having to feel and think like I’m in control but totally and utterly not be in any type of control what-so-ever. How punk rock, right? Wrong. Fuck punk rock. Fuck a label on me, trying to call me this or that. None of that matters when you dig deep and project your desires onto a platform you call your “Future”. Thinking about wanting a family ten years ago I’d have called you a fucking whack job and then probably hope you’d get whacked, or at least go whack-off because you’re better off spending your time that way as opposed to telling me I’d be better off having a family. Even if my family is the love of my life (Jaxie) and my one and a half cats – because only one loves me completely and the other one only loves me when it wants food. I cant even predict the rest of the day now let alone any type of future. Theres got to be some form of an artistic outlet for my future because well, being a machine is boring and if I don’t get whats on my mind out one way or the other then I might as well pack it in now. Making art is what keeps me going, keeps my growing. Making art with the girl I love is what makes keeping going worth it. She helps me tear down the walls I’ve built around myself because, what the hell did I build them for if I didn’t want someone to come along and tear them down? As much as I’d love to drag my face across this pavement on my own, it’s much better to have someone acknowledge that I’m dragging my face across the concrete and tell me it will hurt less if I do it on a beach in the sand. Someone might call that art but I call it boredom. I cant see my future any other way, no other way other than exactly like it is today on my 9th day of being thirty years old except finding peace and creating peace internally and illustrating it externally through words, sounds and pictures. Creating it with the one I love, every day, for the rest of my excruciating, painful life. Love.

One hundred forty or less, free thought. 11.20.16

One hundred and forty characters or less – free thoughts by jesu mikael

 

Can we cram information in a possible smaller platform. Easy to digest being such a small portion. As the American people transition into the year 2017, inaugurating a new president-elect, Donald J. Trump. “Darkness is good – Dick Cheny, Darth Vader, Satan. That’s power” Quoting the new president-elects chief strategist. What the fuck is this guy getting on about with this darkness bullshit. How can we as a nation with aspiring positive mental attitudes, ever look upon these things listed as “darkness” in such a light. Yes, the country is divided, yes the revolution starts within. However, with our current structure as it stands, our government is completely run by the GOP. The republicans. This election was never even closely about Democrats/Republicans. The GOP runs this future government completely. They have spent the last 8 years of the Obama presidency stalling, gridlocking and failing completely to do any semblance of their job, effectively destroying any hope of progress well to-do in the white house and beyond. These very timely protests against the president-elect, come upon the heels of our paused moment of mourning. After being so sure our idealized lesser of two evils would win. Even worse is the thought of having the Vice President elect, Mike Pence in the oval office chair, so we must tread lightly. What we know right now is that the Democratic Party establishment will forever be disbanded from this point on and that they have to regain appeal to the middle class working man, as they should. Scared am I to hear from a respected woman in my life that has knowledge of who the fuck our National Security Adviser is going to be – Michael T. Flynn, who’s best friends are hyperbole. Who once maybe had it but has most definitely lost it in recent years. Even coming from Colin Powell who has named him “nutty”. I can’t even front that I know who these people are, or are not but I’ve never forfeited doing my research on things before I form some type of opinion, let alone talk about you. Having even watched a few episodes of a recent Netflix show informing me about President Obama accepting private funding for his campaign and then having these lobbyists in office after he was elected. The darkness finds it’s way in.

 

.jd

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